Do’s and Don’ts When Helping Someone in an Abusive Relationship
What should I do if I think someone is in an abusive relationship?
✅ DO: Listen without judgement
Let them speak freely. Believe what they’re telling you, even if it’s hard to hear. Victims often fear they won’t be believed or may have been told the abuse is their fault.
“You’re not alone. I’m here for you, no matter what.”
✅ DO: Be patient and available
It can take time for someone to open up or feel ready to make changes. Your consistent presence can be a source of strength, even if they’re not ready to act now.
✅ DO: Focus on their safety, not your frustration
You might want them to leave straight away, but rushing them can be dangerous. Instead, help them think through safe options and reassure them that you’ll support them no matter how long it takes.
✅ DO: Help them create a safety plan
If they’re open to it, help them plan for emergencies:
- Where they could go
- Who they could call
- Important items to keep hidden (ID, money, phone, keys)
Encourage them to speak to domestic abuse professionals who can guide them safely.
What should I avoid when trying to help?
❌ DON’T: Pressure them to leave immediately
Leaving can be the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship. Many victims need time to plan, build confidence, and secure support. Instead of saying, “You have to leave now,” try, “Whenever you’re ready, I’ll help you.”
❌ DON’T: Confront the abuser
Challenging or exposing the abuser can increase danger for the victim. It can also put you at risk. Always put safety first, and never act without the victim’s knowledge or consent.
❌ DON’T: Judge or criticise
Saying things like “Why did you stay?” or “I’d never put up with that” can cause shame and push them away. Abuse is complex, and leaving isn’t always a straightforward choice.
❌ DON’T: Take control of the situation
As well-meaning as it may be, taking over can replicate the control they’re already experiencing. Empower them to make their own decisions, and let them set the pace.
❌ DON’T: Share their story without permission
Even if you’re worried or want to help, never share their experience unless they agree—unless someone is in immediate danger. Respect their privacy and trust.
How can I look after myself while helping someone else?
Supporting someone through domestic abuse can be emotionally draining.
Remember:
- It’s not your responsibility to “save” them
- It’s okay to feel frustrated or worried
- You can speak to support services yourself for advice
Helping someone in an abusive relationship is a balancing act. The right support can help them feel heard, believed, and safe enough to take steps when they’re ready. The wrong approach, however well-intentioned, can cause fear or isolation.
Remember to be a calm presence, offer ongoing support, and trust that being available and informed does make a difference.
You deserve support. You are not alone. Call us today.