Flashbacks and Nightmares

After experiencing domestic abuse or sexual violence, it’s common for the mind and body to respond in ways that feel confusing or overwhelming. You may find yourself reliving moments from the past through nightmares or flashbacks. These are deeply distressing but they are also a natural part of how your brain tries to make sense of trauma. You are not alone in this.

This guide offers practical, grounding strategies to help you feel safer and more in control when flashbacks or nightmares happen.

What Are Flashbacks?

Flashbacks are intense, vivid memories that make it feel as if the traumatic event is happening again. They can come suddenly and often without warning. A certain smell, sound, place or even a feeling can trigger them. While they are incredibly unsettling, flashbacks are not a sign of weakness. They are unprocessed memories surfacing so your mind can begin to understand them.

How to Cope With Flashbacks

Flashbacks can feel terrifying, but there are ways to help manage them:

1. Pause and Acknowledge

Try to stop what you’re doing, if it’s safe to do so. Remind yourself gently: This is a memory. I am not in danger right now.

2. Ground Yourself

Use grounding techniques to bring yourself back to the present. Look around and describe five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.

3. Move to a Safe Space

If possible, go somewhere you feel secure, your bedroom, the bath, a corner with soft lighting, or even outside for fresh air.

4. Focus on Breathing

Take slow, steady breaths. Count as you breathe in (1–2–3–4), hold for a few seconds, then breathe out slowly. Repeat until your body begins to feel calmer.

5. Use a Comfort Object

Holding something familiar and soothing like a warm drink, textured blanket, or scented oil can help anchor you in the present.

6. Write or Talk About It

If it feels safe, write down what you experienced. You don’t have to share it with anyone. Or, speak to someone you trust. Putting the memory into words can help process what happened and remind you that it’s in the past.

What About Nightmares?

Nightmares are another way trauma shows up. They can interrupt your sleep, leave you exhausted, and bring fear into what should be your resting time.

Try these steps:

• Keep a soft light on if total darkness feels unsafe.
• Use calming scents like lavender to help with relaxation.
• Listen to white noise, gentle music, or a guided sleep meditation.
• Write down the nightmare and remind yourself that it is just a memory, not a prediction or warning.
• Avoid caffeine or heavy meals late at night.

Reassure Yourself – You Are Safe Now

Even though flashbacks and nightmares feel incredibly real, they are memories, not reality. They are your brain’s way of trying to understand what happened, not a sign that it is happening again.

Try saying to yourself:
“This is a memory. It feels real, but I am safe now. I am here, in the present. It will pass.”

You’re Not Alone

Coping with trauma responses takes time, patience, and practice. It’s okay to ask for support. Whether that’s through a helpline, support group, or trusted person, you do not have to face this alone.

You are surviving and you are healing.