How to Support a Loved One Experiencing Domestic Abuse
Discovering or suspecting that someone you care about is facing domestic abuse can be distressing. You may feel unsure of what to say, how to help, or afraid of making the situation worse. This guide offers practical, safe and compassionate ways to support a loved one without putting them, or yourself at further risk.
How do I know if someone I love is being abused?
Victims of domestic abuse often go to great lengths to hide what’s happening.
However, there may be signs:
- They seem anxious, withdrawn or fearful of their partner
- They frequently cancel plans or appear isolated
- They have visible injuries with vague or unlikely explanations
- They seem to need their partner’s “permission” to make decisions
- There are sudden changes in their confidence, appearance or behaviour
If something doesn’t feel right, it’s worth gently opening a conversation.
What should I say if I suspect domestic abuse?
Approach the topic with care, patience and without judgement. The goal is to make them feel safe and supported, not interrogated.
Try:
- “I’ve noticed you don’t seem quite yourself lately, are you okay?”
- “You can talk to me about anything, and I’ll listen without judgement.”
- “I’m here for you, whenever you’re ready.”
Avoid:
- Criticising their partner, which can make them feel defensive
- Pressuring them to leave or take immediate action
- Telling them what to do, it’s important they stay in control of their own choices
How can I support someone in an abusive relationship?
Here are some keyways to offer help without escalating the situation:
- Listen and believe them
Victims of abuse often fear they won’t be taken seriously. Let them speak freely, believe their account, and avoid questioning or doubting their experience.
- Don’t tell them to “just leave”
Leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous and emotionally complex. It often takes time, planning, and professional help. Instead of pushing them to act, focus on listening and being there consistently.
- Help them make a safety plan
If they’re open to it, help them think about:
- Who they can call in an emergency
- Where they could go if they needed to leave quickly
- Keeping emergency items (phone, money, documents) in a safe place
You can also direct them to trained services that can help build a personalised safety plan.
- Respect their confidentiality
Never share what they’ve told you with others unless they’ve given permission—unless someone is in immediate danger. Even then, always act in their best interest.
- Offer practical help
This could include:
- Going with them to appointments
- Offering transport or a safe place to stay (if it’s safe to do so)
- Helping them find support services or legal advice
What are some things I should avoid doing?
Supporting someone through domestic abuse requires sensitivity.
Avoid:
- Making them feel guilty or ashamed
- Getting involved in confrontations with the abuser
- Taking control or making decisions on their behalf
- Sharing their story without consent
Your role is to empower and support, not to rescue.
Will asking about abuse make things worse?
It’s natural to worry that bringing up the topic may make things worse. But silence can be more dangerous. A calm, non-judgemental conversation can be the first step toward safety and recovery. Just make sure you speak privately, never when the abuser is present, and only when it’s safe to do so.
Supporting someone experiencing domestic abuse isn’t always easy. You may feel helpless or afraid of saying the wrong thing. But your patience, empathy and continued presence can be a lifeline. Even if they’re not ready to act, knowing they have someone who believes them and won’t judge them can create the foundation for eventual change.
Above all, keep showing up, stay informed, and remind them that abuse is never their fault.
You deserve support. You are not alone. Call us today.