Managing Anger After Sexual Violence

Feeling angry or easily irritated after experiencing sexual violence is completely understandable. Anger is not a sign that something is wrong with you , it’s a normal response to something that should never have happened.

This guide shares gentle and practical ways to recognise and manage anger, so it doesn’t take over your day-to-day life. You are allowed to feel what you feel.

1. Allow the Anger to Exist

Trying to push anger down can sometimes make it more intense. Let yourself feel it, without judgement.

You might say:

“I’m angry, and that’s okay.”
“This feeling won’t last forever.”

You don’t need to act on the anger, but acknowledging it is the first step to moving through it.

2. Find Safe Ways to Let It Out

Anger is energy in the body. Releasing it in healthy ways can help it pass.

Try:

• Writing in a notebook or journal (you don’t have to read it back)
• Talking with someone who understands
• Hitting a cushion, punching a pillow, or going for a fast-paced walk or run

You don’t have to explain or justify your anger. You just need space to let it out safely.

3. Use Breath to Calm the Body

When anger rises, your body can feel tight, hot, or tense. Deep breathing can help bring you back to the present. Try this simple technique:

• Place one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach
• Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of four
• Make sure your stomach (not chest) rises
• Exhale gently through your mouth for four counts
• Repeat for a few minutes

Breathing like this helps your nervous system feel safer.

4. Try Mindfulness (Even for Two Minutes)

Mindfulness is not about clearing your mind  but about noticing what’s happening, right now, with care. Sit still, listen to the sounds around you, or feel your feet on the ground. You can find gentle, trauma-informed guided meditations online, but even two minutes of focused breathing counts.

5. Do Something That Grounds You

Engaging in something soothing or enjoyable can help shift your focus.

You might:

• Take a warm bath or shower
• Play music that calms or comforts you
• Watch a favourite film or nature video
• Create something new, paint, cook, draw, or garden

6. Notice Who Drains or Triggers You

It’s okay to step back from people or situations that leave you feeling on edge. You don’t need to explain yourself.

You can say:

“I need some space right now.”
“I’m working on my healing and can’t take this on.”

Setting boundaries is part of rebuilding safety.

7. Know When to Ask for Extra Support

If anger is making it hard to sleep, eat, work, or connect with others, it might help to talk to a professional. A therapist or counsellor who understands trauma can help you find ways to move forward.

You Are Not Alone in This

There’s no “right” timeline for healing. Some days will feel easier than others. The important thing is that you’re still here, still showing up for yourself.

You’re allowed to feel angry. You’re also allowed to rest.