Overcoming Shame After Sexual Violence
Shame can feel heavy and isolating, especially after experiencing sexual violence. It’s a painful emotion that often emerges due to misplaced blame, societal misconceptions, or fears of judgment. But it’s vital to understand that you are not to blame. There is no shame in being a survivor, and it’s crucial to recognise that healing is possible, even if shame feels overwhelming at times.
Why Shame Happens
Understanding why you might feel shame is the first step towards letting it go. Many survivors experience it, but it’s important to separate the feeling from the truth of your experience.
- Misplaced Blame
It’s common for survivors to blame themselves, thinking they could have prevented the assault or done something differently. Remember, the responsibility lies solely with the perpetrator. You are not to blame, no matter what thoughts or feelings arise.
- Societal Stigmatisation
Our society often blames victims, reinforcing harmful myths that survivors are somehow at fault. These attitudes are rooted in ignorance, not truth. You didn’t cause what happened to you. Recognising the damaging nature of these societal beliefs is key to releasing their grip on you.
- Violation of Boundaries
When someone crosses your boundaries without consent, it can create feelings of shame or vulnerability. It’s not unusual to feel like a part of yourself was taken away. But your boundaries are yours to define, no one has the right to violate them, and you are not responsible for their actions.
- Fear of Judgment
You may worry about how others will perceive you, whether it’s family, friends, or even the legal system. These fears can feed feelings of shame, especially if you feel misunderstood or blamed. It’s important to remember that judgment from others is often rooted in their ignorance, not your truth.
How to Overcome Shame
Shame can feel like a silent burden, but it is possible to break free from it. Here are some steps you can take to begin the process of healing and reclaim your sense of self-worth.
- Practice Self-Compassion
Treat yourself with the same kindness and care that you would offer to a close friend who is hurting. When shame arises, gently remind yourself that you are human, you are healing, and you are worthy of compassion.
- Challenge Negative Thoughts
When shame takes hold, it’s often because of negative beliefs that aren’t based in reality. Ask yourself:
- “Is this thought rooted in facts or societal myths?”
- “What would I say to a friend feeling the same way?”
By questioning these negative thoughts, you can begin to shift your perspective.
- Reach Out for Support
Talking about your shame with someone you trust can help relieve its weight. Whether it’s a friend, therapist, or support group, sharing your feelings can diminish their power and allow you to feel heard and supported. You don’t have to carry this burden alone.
- Connect with Survivor Communities
There are many support groups, survivor networks, and advocacy organisations that can provide a safe space for you to discuss your feelings. Being around others who understand can help you realise that you are not isolated in your experience, and that your feelings are valid.
- Engage in Mindfulness
Mindfulness exercises can help you stay present and reduce the grip of shame. Grounding techniques, breathing exercises, or guided meditations can assist in quieting negative thoughts and returning you to the present moment, free from the burden of shame.
Healing is Personal, Take Your Time
Shame is a common emotion after sexual violence, but it is not yours to carry forever. As you work through your healing journey, it’s essential to seek the support you need, move at your own pace, and know that you are not alone. There are people and resources available to help you.
You deserve to heal without the weight of shame, and that process starts with recognising that what happened to you is not your fault.
You deserve support. You are not alone. Call us today.