What to do if You Suspect Someone is Being Abused
It can be difficult to know what to do if you think someone you know is being abused, especially if they haven’t said anything directly. But your instincts may be right, and taking careful, compassionate action can make all the difference.
This guide outlines safe, practical steps to take if you suspect someone is in an abusive relationship, whether the abuse is physical, emotional, financial or controlling.
How can I tell if someone is being abused?
Abuse isn’t always obvious. Common warning signs include:
- They seem anxious, withdrawn, or unusually quiet
- They cancel plans or avoid social contact more often
- They seem afraid of their partner or overly concerned about pleasing them
- They have frequent, unexplained injuries
- Their partner constantly texts, monitors, or checks in on them
- They have little control over money or personal choices
- Their self-esteem appears to be getting worse
You may also notice a shift in mood, confidence, or independence. Trust your gut, if something feels off, it’s worth paying attention.
What should I do first if I suspect abuse?
✅ Start with gentle concern
Begin with a calm, private conversation. You could say something like:
“I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a bit down lately, and I just want you to know I’m here if you ever want to talk.”
Avoid confronting them or accusing their partner, this can cause fear or push them away.
✅ Listen without judgement
If they open up, let them speak freely. Don’t interrupt, question their decisions, or rush to give solutions. Let them feel believed and supported.
Even saying “I believe you” or “It’s not your fault” can be incredibly powerful.
What if they deny there’s a problem?
That’s okay. People in abusive relationships often feel confused, ashamed or scared. They may not recognise what’s happening as abuse, or they may be afraid of what could happen if they speak out.
Keep the door open. Let them know:
- You’re available any time
- They don’t have to go through it alone
- There are professionals who can help when they’re ready
What can I do to support them safely?
- Help them create a safety plan, if they’re open to it (e.g. knowing where to go in an emergency, keeping a packed bag hidden)
- Encourage them to contact support services (even just for information, no pressure to act)
- Offer practical help (e.g. childcare, transport, storing important documents or belongings)
- Respect their pace, leaving an abusive relationship can take time, planning, and support
Avoid pushing them into decisions they’re not ready to make.
What should I avoid doing?
❌ Don’t blame or pressure them
Leaving is often dangerous and complicated. Judging or demanding they “just leave” can isolate them further.
❌ Don’t try to rescue them alone
It’s natural to want to fix things, but acting without a plan can increase risk. Focus on support, not solutions.
❌ Don’t share their story without permission
Unless someone is in immediate danger, keep any disclosures private, even from well-meaning friends or family.
You don’t have to be an expert to make a difference. Simply letting someone know they are seen, believed and supported can be life-changing.
If you suspect someone is being abused:
- Stay calm and non-judgemental
- Offer your support without pressure
- Know when to seek professional help
- Prioritise their safety and dignity
You deserve support. You are not alone. Call us today.